Waving the White Flag: A Black Woman's Surrender

Foreword

As a Black woman, we land on a double edged sword when some of the Black men in our lives exhibit behavior that mirrors the systemically racist society we live in - it truly perpetuates the oppression we experience daily. Black men, some of you invalidate our entire being by dismissing our emotions and gaslighting us. Those actions alone, is manipulation and emotional abuse. Black women live in a society where we are constantly fighting for our voices to be heard - to be seen.
Black men, when some of you victim blame Black women, you perpetuate this fight.

This particular Black women, me, is exhausted from fighting. The past three weeks have been a fight for my voice in the workplace and with the men in my life. I’m tired, Black women are tired. Black men, it’s not enough to be well read about Black women if the literature isn’t applied. Otherwise, what you’re selling is a facade and continues the oppression of Black women.

Waving the White Flag: A Black Woman's Surrender

I’m tired of some Black men putting on the facade that they’re pro Black woman! You, Black men who boast about black love and how well read you are, but in practice, you oppress Black women just as much, if not worse than the systemically racist society we exist in. Behind the scenes, you’re manipulative, you play the victim, you project your insecurities, you lack the capacity to express your emotions in a healthy manner, your actions are full of confusion, gaslighting, dismission, and contradictions, all at the expense of Black women.

It’s repulsive and sad, some Black women do too much to meet you where you’re at, model healthy communication, and love but for some of you that’s discounted. And one can only assume it’s because you’re not used to seeing what a healthy expression of emotion looks like. Society and culture has taught you, to be masculine means to be absent of emotional expression. That exact message has been internalized by you and shows up within interpersonal and romantic relationships. Some of you mistreat Black women until she reacts out of character and then you turn around and attempt to paint the picture that she’s “crazy” or “acting out of emotion instead of logic.” This invalidates her experience with you; minimizes and silences her. Your entire mistreatment of a Black woman perpetuates what she already experiences every day in this America.

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”
-Malcolm X

You, Black man, with the facade. You, Black man with unhealed and unchecked trauma. You, Black man who lack the tools to appropriately communicate, by your blatant disregard of her entire essence, you kill the Black woman you claim to admire inside out. Your mistreatment, lack of physical/emotional protection, and neglect of the Black woman is disrespectful to her.

I am this Black woman.

I don’t have it in me to fight anymore.

This Black woman is waving the white flag,

I surrender. Y’all won.