A Soul Connection

She’s in love and it scares her. Never has she met anyone who challenges her belief systems and points out the pain within her that needs healing.

He disrupts her soul in ways that naturally compels the ego to reject and rebel.

Her defenses get heightened and the little girl inside her reacts irrationally.

When she finds herself exhausted and all cried out, it’s in solitude where she sits at the round table with her thoughts, anxieties, and fears.

The reel of her life’s past and present is displayed for all of us… for them to see.

The motion picture is far from perfect, in fact, it’s painfully illuminating.

“She’s in love and it scares her…”

She’s in love and it scares her. Never has she met anyone who challenges her belief systems and points out the pain within her that needs healing.

They activate one another’s personalities in ways that forces them to venture into solace - a place void of distraction; where their souls can connect in harmony. His effect on her is a connection that’s more than what she initially signed up for.

Years later, a more evolved version of herself embraces it; embraces him.

She’s in love and it scares her

She has met someone who challenges her belief systems

He points out the pain within her that needs healing

She’s healing, in solace and healing

Waving the White Flag: A Black Woman's Surrender

Foreword

As a Black woman, we land on a double edged sword when some of the Black men in our lives exhibit behavior that mirrors the systemically racist society we live in - it truly perpetuates the oppression we experience daily. Black men, some of you invalidate our entire being by dismissing our emotions and gaslighting us. Those actions alone, is manipulation and emotional abuse. Black women live in a society where we are constantly fighting for our voices to be heard - to be seen.
Black men, when some of you victim blame Black women, you perpetuate this fight.

This particular Black women, me, is exhausted from fighting. The past three weeks have been a fight for my voice in the workplace and with the men in my life. I’m tired, Black women are tired. Black men, it’s not enough to be well read about Black women if the literature isn’t applied. Otherwise, what you’re selling is a facade and continues the oppression of Black women.

Photo Source: Pixabay

Waving the White Flag: A Black Woman's Surrender

I’m tired of some Black men putting on the facade that they’re pro Black woman! You, Black men who boast about black love and how well read you are, but in practice, you oppress Black women just as much, if not worse than the systemically racist society we exist in. Behind the scenes, you’re manipulative, you play the victim, you project your insecurities, you lack the capacity to express your emotions in a healthy manner, your actions are full of confusion, gaslighting, dismission, and contradictions, all at the expense of Black women.

It’s repulsive and sad, some Black women do too much to meet you where you’re at, model healthy communication, and love but for some of you that’s discounted. And one can only assume it’s because you’re not used to seeing what a healthy expression of emotion looks like. Society and culture has taught you, to be masculine means to be absent of emotional expression. That exact message has been internalized by you and shows up within interpersonal and romantic relationships. Some of you mistreat Black women until she reacts out of character and then you turn around and attempt to paint the picture that she’s “crazy” or “acting out of emotion instead of logic.” This invalidates her experience with you; minimizes and silences her. Your entire mistreatment of a Black woman perpetuates what she already experiences every day in this America.

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”

-Malcolm X

You, Black man, with the facade. You, Black man with unhealed and unchecked trauma. You, Black man who lack the tools to appropriately communicate, by your blatant disregard of her entire essence, you kill the Black woman you claim to admire inside out. Your mistreatment, lack of physical/emotional protection, and neglect of the Black woman is disrespectful to her.

I am this Black woman.

I don’t have it in me to fight anymore.

This Black woman is waving the white flag,

I surrender. Y’all won.

Queen Sugar: Peeling Back the Layers of Black Love

Like many of you, I've been faithfully tuning in every Wednesday to see what the genious Ava DuVernay and her team has prepared for us. If you have not yet seen not ONE episode of Queen Sugar, you have two options: WATCH THE SHOW and WATCH THE SHOW!

Queen Sugar gives us what I have yearned to see on television for so long!
Strong, complex, and vulnerable black characters.

A hearty YASSS to Ava DuVernay!

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Black people are not monolithic beings!
We are multifaceted in layers that transcend the norm while simultaneously exuding magic from our pores!

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Last week's Queen Sugar episode, "Freedom's Plow," had me gasping and shifting nervously in my chair. We were brought through the intricacies and beauty of the Bordelon siblings' romantic lives in a way I personally haven't experienced since the days of Love Jones and The Best Man!

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Charley+ Remy

It's easy to see Charley as the sister who left the Louisiana Bayou, married rich, and forgot about her family. We sat with her through the humiliation of her husband's infidelity and the frustrating tango between her and Remy. Charley’s level of fearlessness in a white male dominated industry is every black woman's song to sing. That's why we root for her, we want her to win; help her family keep their late father's farm and find romance again. This past episode, viewers got to see the Charley behind the fight. We saw her delicate treasure; her heart.

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Like the rest of you, I grabbed my invisible pearls watching Charlie stand in front of Remy and ask for forgiveness. Wheeww Lordt!

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Charley's pride and ego was absent in that scene. And when Remy began to shake his head I thought it was over for her, my mind immediately went to "Men ain’t shit sis, forget him!"

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But he too, allowed ego and pride to be absent and embraced that black woman!

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Nova + Dr. Robert Dubois

Daughter of Oshun, Ms. Nova! She is my absolute spirit animal! Sister girl is bred in the bayou, painstakingly gorgeous, and intelligent!

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I know half of the black community dove head first into their feelings last season watching Nova get cozy with a married white cop. I personally had to turn a blind eye and mind my black business. Get it how you can sis, it's hard out here for a black woman.

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But heyyy! Ava had something up her sleeve this season! There's a GAWD SOMEWHERE!!

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We were introduced to a brotha! Of course skeptics thought Nova would spend most of the season curving Dr. Robert Dubois. But lissen! You can't deny the plan! My brotha kept pushing, walked around Nova's wall of Jericho 7x and snatched his blessing! Hello!!

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It was all too familiar to watch Nova keep her guard up (you men call it frontin). However, it’s important to note that Nova is another subcategory of black women who men often cast away because she's "too complicated, she likes to argue, she's too mean..." must I continue?
A little perseverance will get you somewhere fellas, take note.

Ralph Angel + Darla

Hands down Ralph Angel has been the character who took the longest for me to appreciate. He's the baby brother, made poor decisions, and has baby mama dilemmas; my guy was triggering.

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This season we see Ralph Angel step into a level of "man-ness" we're not used to. Remember season one when Aunt Vi said she wouldn't coddle him because the world wouldn’t? Welp! The message clearly marinated. Although Ralph Angel still struggles with staying on the right track, old boy is putting in work. We see you black man!

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I also want to shed light to Darla. Like a Phoenix, she is also rising out of the ashes this season. Maintaining employment, being a nurturing mother, staying drug free, and vocalizing her needs.
We see you sis!

Many of us probably predicted another downhill spiral for this young couple. But similar to real life every day love, Ralph Angel and Darla's love is messy and beautiful; frustrating, fearless, and above all forgiving. Ralph Angel is beginning to see the dirt shed from his diamond in the rough- sister girl is shining and he is proud.

Ava gave me every second of 90's black  cinema with their heart tugging proposal scene,

"I don't wanna distract you or whatever you think it will take to stay on the right foot. I just wanna ride with you. As long as you'll let me do that, and I promise I'll do my best and help you do your best always..."

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What I love the most about last week's episode is seeing black men stand with black women. The black experience is uniquely relative to black people. The only other being on this earth to understand a black woman's plight is a black man. The only other being to understand the black man's trauma is a black woman. Ava DuVernay, Oprah, and the rest of the team, thank you for giving us strong, dynamic, and vulnerable characters. Thank you for not stereotyping nor pigeonholing the black experience. Thank you for showing us the intimacy and strength found in sharing our vulnerabilities with one another as black people. Thank you for giving us a lens of black love not prevalent on today's mainstream tv!

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Black Graduating Class of 2017- We See You

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And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was a rumble in the firmament showering Black magic unto the earth giving birth to a reign of black excellence among all nations.

From top left to right: April Watson “Masters in Business Administration;” Evelyne Edouard “Masters in Healthcare Management;” Sophia Jean “Bachelor of Arts in Psychology;” Shalanda Duperrier “Bachelor of Arts in Psychology with a Minor in Business;” Nadiya Ledan “Masters in Education and Human Development;” Dannie Dorrilus “Bachelor of Arts in Public Health;” Leslie Chatelain Jr. “Masters in Public Health;” Josh Brooks “Juris Doctor;” Senai Andikiel “Masters in Environmental Science and Engineering;” Stacey Joseph “Masters in Social Work;” Mervnide Pierre “Certified Nurse Midwife, Masters of Science in Nursing;” Brittany Justine “Juris Doctor;” Devon Austrie “Bachelor of Arts in Economics;” and Laura Kay “Bachelor of Arts in Applied Psychology and Human Development and Math with a Minor in African Studies.”

I don’t know what magic potion of greatness students of color were sippin on this past school semester but it has resulted in the best commemoration ceremonies and cap decor I’ve ever seen. From swag surfin, to hollerin and turning your backs to the current administration’s leaders who aren’t here for your educational prowess.

Class of 2017, you’ve made it and this one is for you! 

To the 14 splendid individuals pictured above who walked across the stage this month, may this congratulations transcend mountains. May it be a never ending reminder that “YOU did this!” Some of you achieved this momentous occasion while taking on full-time positions, parenting, and maintaining a social life. There were also some of you who diligently travailed beyond the pressures of family life, the juggle of balancing bae’s needs, and the stress of mental and physical health just to get to graduation day and scream, “Mama we made it!” How you did all of this while maintaining a whole real life is beyond me but black man, black woman, you did it!

                      (l) Mervnide Pierre and Lodz Joseph (r)
                             Photo Credit: Marvens Pierre

Graduates, we heard your thank yous to us for being understanding when you went ghost-delayed responses to text messages and canceling your appearances because you had to study. You thanked us for traveling miles and missing work just to see you walk across a stage for less than a minute. Only to be followed by us screaming your name to the heavens despite administration probably butchering it, impromptu photo shoots, and of course food fellowship and drinks at the place of your liking. 

We heard you but in true black tradition, we must say to you, ubuntu. We are because you are, we acknowledge your efforts. Thank you for not only seeing yourself but for seeing the generations before you that migrated to this country to make a better way for you. Thank you for seeing the generations after you, for being a source of representation for the young brown and black bodies who are unable to see their way out of their hoods. Thank you for pushing through the countless sleepless nights and doubtful days throughout your academic journey. Thank you for turning your tears into triumph and your frustrations into fearlessness. Thank you because without you, the legacy of our black community would discontinue.

Thank you for saying, “Yes” when the systemic racism that is our American society said, “No.” Thank you because when they said slow down, you sped up. When you were given margins, you lunged outside of them. When you were given hurdles, you leaped over them and dapped the sky.

Class of 2017, you have passed the baton. You arrived to the dinner and instead of being on the menu, you sat at the table. You’re now out of the classroom but the lessons will not stop. You’re now a student of life equipped with the necessary tools to put theory into practice. As you professionally step into the degrees you have earned we now walk bolder hand in hand. We look forward to the affirming head nod, glance, and smile in the work place letting you know that we see you. You are not alone, you are not invisible. So shine brighter, stand taller, speak louder, we see you. 

Congratulations!